From Taboo to Truth: Navigating Sex and Birth Control as a Brown Girl
For Every Brown Girl Who’s Ever Felt Alone in Her Choices
Para a versão Portuguesa, clica aqui.
Dear beautiful community,
I want to continue telling you my story. I grew up in a South Asian, mixed Muslim-Catholic family in Portugal and Angola, where conversations about periods, birth control, and sex were practically nonexistent. It was an environment where certain things were simply assumed: like no sex before marriage. And tampons? Absolutely taboo. When I got my first period, pads were the only option I was given. To make matters worse, I grew up scared of hormonal contraception after learning that my mom had suffered a miscarriage in her first pregnancy after using the pill for a few years.
As I grew up, I constantly faced the clash between the conservative values of my background and the liberal, Western outlook on sex and contraception that my Portuguese friends embraced. To be honest, I felt torn between these worlds—on the one hand, wanting to honor my family’s traditions, but on the other, craving the freedom/information/acceptance/autonomy(?) that my friends had.
Because of this upbringing, I began my sex life later than most of my Western/European friends. When I eventually did, I was happy using condoms—especially since I was in a long-distance relationship. But over time, I started to feel like the odd one out, being the only one in my friend group not on the pill. Since I was living abroad, I decided to give it a try.
Spoiler alert: It lasted only three months.
The pill made my anxiety worse, and I gained weight. When I shared my concerns with nurses, they dismissed my symptoms, leaving me frustrated and unsupported. It felt like they didn’t believe me, and unfortunately, I know many of us have experienced the frustration of having our health concerns overlooked.
So, I decided right then and there to quit the pill and return to condoms. Looking back, I realize, part of me was still haunted by the fear of side effects —especially the idea that hormonal birth control might make it harder for me to conceive in the future. Plus, my mom didn’t even know I was sexually active, let alone on birth control, so condoms felt like the safer and more “secret/discreet” choice.
Brown & Muslim girls, tell me: Was I the only one who kept her sex life a secret and grew up with limited education about periods and sexual health?
For all the menstruators: Have you ever felt dismissed by doctors or nurses when raising concerns about your health, especially around birth control or menstrual issues?
If you’re wondering why I’m sharing this, it’s because I passionately believe it’s time to break the silence around these taboo topics. This year, I took the leap to become a solopreneur with a mission: to build a community where we have open, honest conversations about periods, birth control, sex, and female body literacy. In this space, no topic is off-limits, and we empower ourselves with the knowledge and freedom to make informed choices.
As a Brown, Shia Ismaili Muslim, Portuguese woman who has been a migrant for the past 10 years, I’ll be sharing my unique perspective and experiences, and I hope you’ll join me on this journey.
It’s almost 2025— so damn time for better menstrual and sexual health education and more open conversations. Through this newsletter and my fertility awareness and menstrual health project/business, I want to help drive that change.
Funny thing is, I almost didn’t start this project because of the cultural taboos surrounding sex. But then it hit me: everyone is having sex—even our grandparents, parents, and aunts! Let’s be real—if they weren’t, we wouldn’t be here lol.
It’s time to normalize these conversations, and I’m excited to take this step forward with you.
It's time to start having these conversations! Share your experiences with me in the comments or send me a DM—I’d truly love to hear your stories.
With love,
Sheila
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